Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Returning

I need to dream a lot. And heavy doses of silences. Too much talking tires me. Being around too many people suffocates me and I always try to find ways to escape. 
To slip away. Drift on my own. Be silent.

This need to be left alone most of the times is considered a pathological deficiency by my dear family. For others it appears as conceit, perhaps.
Later, much later I realized that I am marked for life. I have to live either with me all my life or change my options, drastically. That I chose the latter was due to the authentic need to be true to my own self, a voluntary choice. This was understood by few and accepted by none.

‘No regrets’ sounds harsh. Almost condescending, but I think I prefer the way things are with me because I know that it is very difficult for another person to live with me, as sometimes it is extremely difficult for me to live with another person. And when such phases happen, I allow some company, some presence, to safely choose to enrich few moments by making connection with another, or maybe just to see how far I can be tolerated by another’s presence. 
I return soon. Back to me. It feels safe.